11/17/16 - Life is crazy...in my head

Have you ever tried living in the moment?  What I mean is actually tuning in to what is going on right this second.  We think we go through life like that but as for me, I don't.

I remember a time babysitting Nash that I wanted to focus, right now, on this baby that was growing up too fast.  It's hard to do, but I did it.  I put the TV noise out of my mind and focused on the smell of his little head.  I felt how soft his baby cheeks were and watched his little hand hold on to my finger.  For a few short moments I was living in the now, it was wonderful.  It is difficult to do!

I have, at any given moment, a myriad of things going on in my brain.  I can have a song going on while I'm reading or snippets of a Bible verse or what Cali was doing this morning before she got on the bus.  It is hard for me to focus, let alone hyperfocus.  Sometimes when I'm reading I can hyperfocus though.  There could be a lot of distractions going on around me and I may not notice.  I used to have a book mark that said, "Shut up, I'm reading".  I used to brandish it like a sword.

With MS I have had cognitive changes.  It is some of the common symptoms with MS.

“Cognitive” means of or relating to “cognition” — which refers to a range of high-level brain functions including the ability to learn and remember information, organize, plan and problem-solve, focus, maintain and shift attention, understand and use language, accurately perceive the environment, and perform calculations.

Cognitive changes are a common symptom of MS — approximately half of all people with MS will develop problems with cognition. Loss of myelin around nerve fibers can cause difficulty with transporting memories to storage areas of the brain or retrieving them from storage areas. In MS, certain functions are more likely to be affected than others:
  • Memory (acquiring, retaining and retrieving new information)
  • Attention and concentration (particularly divided attention)
  • Information processing (dealing with information gathered by the five senses)
  • Executive functions (planning and prioritizing)
  • Visuospatial functions (visual perception and constructional abilities)
  • Verbal fluency (word-finding)
A person may experience difficulties in only one or two areas of cognitive functioning or in several. Certain functions including general intellect, long-term (remote) memory, conversational skill and reading comprehension are likely to remain intact.

Only 5-10 percent of people with MS develop problems severe enough to interfere significantly with everyday activities. In very rare instances, cognitive dysfunction may become so severe that the person can no longer be cared for at home.

At 58 I'm probably losing some of my mind to age.  I hate this!  If I want to memorize a Bible verse I have to write it over and over again.  One verse, Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, took me a month to memorize.  I wrote it once a day for that whole month.  I have so many things I would love to learn but it takes perseverance, time and lastly energy.  Energy is something I am lacking.  I do challenge myself, but not like I should.  This month long NaBloPoMo is quite the challenge.  Hopefully after the month is over I can continue the challenge of writing every day.

Life sure is crazy in my head.  I have to keep praying, keep hoping, keep learning, keep reading, keep studying, keep focusing, keep living and keep typing.


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